FullStrongMetalArm
by Bassomatic
Summary: Chapter 2 up BECAUSE I AM A MASOCHIST. I am very sorry. WARNING: Yaoi and MPREG! And general squickiness.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. If I did, it would be much, much stranger.**

**And here I present you with… the ultimate crack pairing! EdxArmstrong or, as I like to call it, Edstrong! **

**Eyes bleeding yet?**

**Don't worry; I don't _actually_ support this pairing, I just wrote this oneshot randomly one day to torment some friends of mine. Because I'm evil like that. And the pen really _is_ mightier than the sword, as I soon found out.**

**For all purposes of this fanfic, Riza has her own office.**

**It's rated 'T' because it is by no means something that any child should ever be submitted to. Not even what goes on in the fanfic – just the sheer 'ick'ness of the pairing. It's so badly written because just the act of writing it filled me with self-loathing and inner turmoil.

* * *

**

Armstrong was shirtless again.

Somehow, he always seemed to lose his shirt. Only Riza was perceptive enough to notice that he lost it even more than usual when Ed was around. She said nothing to Armstrong about the matter, but she knew exactly what was going on; even if Ed didn't.

But then again, maybe Ed _did_ know. He did, after all, tend to stare at Armstrong whenever he thought no one was looking. It wasn't enough to fool Riza, however, and she noticed that the glances he gave the strong arm alchemist weren't exactly in line with the fraternization rules.

Riza noticed all of this, and decided to do something about it; fraternization rules be damned – this was _love_.

* * *

Ed was in Riza's office, handing in a report, when there was a knock at the door.

"Come in!" Riza called, and Armstrong entered.

"Oh, hello Lieutenant Hawkeye. Hello Edward Elric. I got your memo to meet you here – I didn't know you were busy…" he moved to leave, but Riza held up a hand.

"No, stay, we'll only be a minute." She pretended to rifle through the papers on her desk, "Oh I don't believe it- Edward, the papers I need are in the Colonel's office. I must have left them earlier when he and I were…talking…I'll be right back." The fact that neither of them commented on her near-slip proved her point. If they were paying attention to what she was saying instead of staring at each other, they would have been able to tell that she and Roy had been doing something other than just 'talking' before. With that, Riza got up and left the room, leaving the two men alone.

* * *

Ed fidgeted and looked away, cheeks coloring slightly.

"So, what have you been up to?" he asked the other man.

"Well… just the usual." Armstrong said. He puffed up his chest slightly, "After all, maintaining a daily routine is a trait that has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations!" Ed laughed nervously.

"Yeah… I've been running around looking for the Philosopher's stone… bit I've missed all of the people here.." he trailed off, his courage failing him. Armstrong walked over, and sat next to Ed.

"I've missed you too, Edward." He said, in response to Ed's unspoken confession. He was blushing slightly as well. He stood up suddenly. "I should probably go – I can meet with Lieutenant Hawkeye later."

"NO!" Ed said suddenly, "You don't have to leave just yet!" Armstrong sat down again

"Edward," he began, "I-I know it's wrong, but—"

"I love you," Ed interrupted, leaning forward to kiss the muscular man. Armstrong, surprised, flinched, before relaxing and returning the kiss. The kiss did not stay innocent for long –somehow, Armstrong's shirt had disappeared again, and it wasn't long before Ed's followed.

Outside, Riza tacked a 'do not disturb' sign to the door, before turning and walking down the hall towards Colonel Mustang's office, taking an identical sign with her, just in case.

* * *

**Oh ack ack ack… I should be shot. Go ahead and flame, flame like the wind – I deserve it. I tried to redeem it a little by adding Royai, but no. If any of you readers out there actually LIKE this pairing, then shame! Shame upon you!****By the way, my lj name is notebook (underscore) fetish. Nudge nudge wink wink be my friend? **

**/shamelessness **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA, THANK GOD, because then things like this would happen. I can't even control it. It's like I get odd urges to write CRACK in fanfic form. -cries-**

**Warning: EXTREME OOC Like the world has never seen before!**

**A/N: I think I may have finally lost my mind. I am so sorry for this.**

**Sorrier than you could ever know...**

**Note to would-be-flamers: I DO NOT SUPPORT THIS PAIRING! This is a joke fic. Nothing more. I don't actually support EdStrong. So don't waste your time flaming me. You will be mocked.**

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Alex Louis Armstrong was a very happy man.

He had been very happy lately, and everyone knew it, as he would walk around the office humming and whistling and smiling broadly at everyone. His euphoria seemed to grow with every passing day. The reason: his husband, Edward, was soon to give birth to their first child. To tell the truth, Armstrong would be even happier when the baby was born because Edward's mood swings were often wild and unpredictable.

It wouldn't be very long now, though; Edward was quite heavily pregnant - to the point where he had to waddle to get around instead of walking normally.

"Honey, I'm home!" Armstrong announced, walking into the house they lived in. Ed waddled over and Armstrong bent to kiss him.

"It's about time," Ed grumbled. Armstrong cocked an eyebrow and Ed grinned apologetically. "Sorry - the baby's been kicking a lot lately. I think she wants out." Armstrong patted his husband's swollen belly.

"Be patient," He told the baby, and Ed chuckled.

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Sue enough, Ed went into labor the next day, and soon their daughter was born. Her name was Louise Trisha Armstrong-Elric, and in her fathers' eyes, she was perfect.

"Isn't she gorgeous?" An exhausted Ed said as he held his daughter, "I think she has your eyes."

"And your nose." Armstrong said. He kissed his husband on the forehead. "Dear?"

"Yes?"

"Let's have more! A whole flock!" Ed rolled his eyes.

"Fine." He said, "But you're having the next one!"

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**A/N: Many of you wonder how I can stand to write this. The secret: I can't. A part of my soul dies every time I write a crackfic. Why do I keep writing them? I honestly do not know. There is quite obviously something very wrong with me...**


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